Wonderful idea. Wrong species.

I was thrilled when I found this list of quotes that was compiled for me by a British friend in Japan in 2002, as I was migrating data to my new computer today!

"We are here on earth to do good to others.  What the others are here for, I don't know."  W.H.Auden, poet.

"If dogs could talk, perhaps we would find it as hard to get along with them as we do with people."  Josef Capek, artist.

"Egotist: person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me."  Ambrose Bierce.

"An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it."  Don Marquis, journalist.

"Wonderful idea.  Wrong species."  E.O.
Wilson, naturalist and ant expert, on Marxism.

"A curious sport where the object is to put a very small ball in a very small hole with implements ill-designed for the purpose."
- Winston Churchill on golf

"If one regards oneself as a sceptic, it is as well from time to time to be sceptical about one's scepticism."   Freud, psychoanalist.

"It's good to do nothing and then rest."  Spanish proverb.

"Never interrupt your enemy while he is making a mistake."  Napoleon, Emperor of France.

"He who praises everybody, praises nobody."  Dr Johnson, writer.

"Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon."  Susan Ertz.

"Buy land.  They aren't making it any more."  Mark Twain, writer.

"When two people in business always agree, one of them is unnecessary."  William Wrigley Jr., businessman.

"A bore is a man who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company."  Gian Vincenzo Gravina.

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go."  Oscar Wilde, writer.

"Never confuse motion with action."  Benjamin Franklin, politician.

"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with senses, reason and intellect has intended us to forego their use..."  Galileo

"Charm is the ability to make someone think that both of you are pretty wonderful."  Kathleen Winsor.

Brilliant Quotes of the Noughties [2000-2009].

Sometimes friends bantering can quickly spiral into pure genius. Here are just a few quotes I remembered recently, which may or may not be funny to anyone else:

“But our dwarves have magical powers.”
- Nunoo, on the difference between ‘real dwarves’ in Ghana, and the ‘mythical dwarves’ found in folkloric tales such as The Lord of the Rings. Ghana, 2006.

“Unless that hamburger has alpaca or guinea pig in it, I’m not interested!”
Sarah, responding to the waiter’s dinner suggestion after delaying her much anticipating first Incan meal of either alpaca or guinea pig by 3 days due to altitude sickness. Peru, 2006.

“It’s all in your outlook: sure you’re being cheated, but you’re being cheated in the sun!”
- [Translation] Hostel bartender, on why I should go to Morocco, and to this day the best travel advice I have ever received. France, 2002.

“It gets rid of the goatiness”
- Maura, on using lemon rind to mask the ‘goatie’ flavour of goat’s cheese, coining the term ‘goatiness’ forever. Canada, 2001.

“I was seriously disappointed by the lack of llamas”
Sarah, on her first impressions of Machu Picchu. Peru, 2006.

“And that’s a historical fact.”
- Consultant_Tim, on all of the historical ‘facts’ we fabricated during our car ride across Jordan, collectively falsifying all of Jordanian [and Western Civilisation’s] history. Jordan, 2009.

“Is that funny, or am I just drunk?”
“I don’t know, I’m drunk.”
- Mikey and Me, on a particularly creative Abu Dhabi park job. UAE, 2009.

“I know – let’s make a Junction Triangle interpretive dance!”
- Dougie, on how to effectively present our revitalization plan for Toronto’s Junction Triangle. Canada, 2005.

“It’s irresponsible of you to have a heating bill of less than $600.”
- Toronto Landlord, on why he shouldn’t have to pay to insulate our house in order to reduce energy consumption and our heating bill costs. Canada, 2004.

“Alpacas have cuter faces.”
- Sarah, on her highly scientific method for distinguishing alpacas from llamas. Peru, 2006.

“You promised me Madeleine Albright, elephants, and Livingstone. I’m leaving!”
- Mikey, on his invented expectations of Ethiopia. Ethiopia, 2008.

“It’s f-ing brilliant. Just add water, instant community.”
- Me, on my first week of graduate school. Canada, 2004.